Does it taste like freedom, or not?
Does it taste like freedom?
Image: Two Women; c. 1770-75. John Brown (British, 1752-1787). The Cleveland Museum of Art, Dudley P. Allen Fund 1969.28. Public domain.
Hello my friends! I was talking with another ED specialist last week, and asked if she ever used harm reduction (HR) principles in her work with clients. She looked like her brain had stopped for a second and then slowly said No. No, I haven’t. Tbh I’ve never heard of that.
(Until last year I hadn’t heard of it either, not as a formal or legit practice in the ED domain. I first learned of it from Gloria Lucas of Nalgona Positivity Pride, and afaik she's one of very few people talking about this.)
My friend's confusion made me think about the first time I heard someone say they were sober, and had been sober for a year or so, and had also had a relapse or two during that time, and ALSO used or drank a little during that time, up to the present moment.
This BROKE MY BRAIN.
My reaction was: Well ur not sober then, sir! I shake my head, sir!
And this was followed by a moment of self-horror and also more confusion: Who the heck am I to determine what sobriety means to someone else?
Uh ... NOBODY, is who.
And how did that idea get so deep in there, that the only definition of sobriety is 100% abstinence, The End? Where did it come from and why was it living rent-free in my brain, taking up space and bringing the vibe down? GTFO, ugly thought!
I’m happy to report that thought is gone, good riddance. Oh, and I know exactly where it came from: the Twelve Step groups I spent my early 20s in. There are surely good things about twelve-step programs—like fellowship—but the rigidity you typically find there, and which I totally accepted and occasionally "shared" all over my surroundings is not one of them.
Harm reduction might be a better way forward.
HR is the idea thatwhile abstinence may either be out of reach, unrealistic, or actually NOT A DESIRED OUTCOME ← ha! possible and ALLOWED!!,there’s every reason tohelp people change their relationship to harmful behaviors, and mitigate the effects of those behaviors,if they want that.
Tell me if reading this 👆makes you exhale in relief or maybe do a victory lap with celebration arms? For me it’s like Martha Beck reminding us that the Buddha said
“Just as the great ocean has one taste, the taste of salt, so also [enlightenment] has one taste: the taste of liberation.” (Attested! Not a fake Buddha quote.)
In other words,no matter how weird it looks, no matter how scorned it be by daylight, if it TASTES LIKE FREEDOM, well:you’re there.
ED harm reductionis maybe a more obvious strategy for the more obviously harmful eating disorders, like anorexia and bulimia. But it alsomakes a ton of sense for binge eaters.
If we think aboutwhat constitutes “abstinence” (hate the word) or recovery for binge eaters, I’m going to guesswhat we usually think of is
1.not dieting and not restricting
2.not overeating
3.not eating “emotionally”(ugh, such a dumb idea)
4.eating mindfully
5.eating according to your body’s physical needs, in both quantity and types of foods, the majority of the time
Is this set of outcomes realistic? Are they all desirable?
Not for everybody. In particular, I’ve seen for years thatAS A FIRST STEP, attempting to eat according to “body signals” is a huge block to every other piece of recovery, for almost all the people I’ve ever worked with. Interpreting andevenperceivingbody signals is HARD, hard as HELL for the binge eater who’s just starting to make a change.
Which is why I think eating meals is the shit! Becausefeeding yourself at regular mealtimes relaxes your nervous systemso that you can start discerning what the hell else is going on in there, and itrestores your hunger hormonesto apredictable, manageable, and easily understood rhythm.
That’s what brings you, and I’m going to sayeffortlesslybrings you, to the ability to communicate with your body.That’s what gives you the power to speak Food like a native so you can converse with your body like afriend.
Does it taste like freedom?
So all that to say this is why I think it’spointless or even counterproductive for most people to start by worrying about overeating, emotional eating, mindful eating, or figuring out whether that need is for a chicken thigh or cherry-chocolate gelato.
Reduce the harm! HAVE BOTH. Nutrition can be a second or even fifth order of business.
Meals at regular mealtimes, my friends. What a gift.
Other things are...
READING
Iced in Paradise, Naomi Hirahara. V traditional-style mystery set in Waimea, Kauai in a surfing community. I loved it and it was a very fun read for February in New England. Includes a glossary of Hawaiian Pidgin and additional language resources.
Thank you for reading, and for your comments and questions! Questions is how I know I'm leaving out something important so HMU! I read every single word personally, and I value our connection.
Too many acronyms for you? Sorry it's only going to continue! Like the exclamations!!! But if you need to know what something stands for, Google will tell you in a split second, whereas I usually respond the following day. Or week.
XOXOK until next time!