Hi friends! One of my irritations with the mindful-eating crowd (as somewhat opposed to the official Intuitive Eating™ crowd) is this idea of feeding the "true need", that is, the underlying emotional need, instead of shoving pie down your piehole. The understanding is that "real" needs are things like connection, hugs, naps, a walk in nature. UGH whatever. I mean, sure.

But I think about this because 1. food IS a real need, even if not an immediate urgent need and 2. some people have spent enough time hungry that they have a real raw nerve there, which is easily twanged, and they kinda can't get enough, maybe like the way if you wait too long to pee, it doesn't feel like relief? and 3. could it just be acknowledged already that discerning "real" hunger is not equally obvious and easy for everyone and 4. by the way, the industrial food supply which most of us have easiest cheapest access to has been successfully developed and deployed with the exact precise goal of disrupting our natural human experience of hunger.

ALL OF THAT.

Bonnie Raitt once said in response to being asked how she could be a happily married happy person and still write these heartbreaking heartbreak songs. She said something like: Are you kidding me right now? You NEVER forget that shit.

I think maybe there is a little of that feeling in "meeting the real need" if we've spent a minute on a diet, you know? IDK if these smiley understanding patronizing mindfulness gurus have ever been on a diet or whether they don't know that they've actually never been off their diet, but I wish they would spare the rest of us the inexplicably immortal advice to seek Hugs Not Nugs.

Better suggestion: Remember that food has always served multiple human needs. To some extent, it will always be a comfort. If you've been through privation, and if you're not the Lawrence of Arabia sort who perversely enjoys deprivation, maybe food is always gonna be a little more comforting to you.

Why not enjoy what's there to be enjoyed? Set some boundaries that don't require you to interrogate your motivations and micromanage yourself with every bite. I like meals at mealtimes, as far as boundaries go. It's very set-it-and-you-can't-forget-it.

Other things are...

Writing: Wow, friends, thank you for your thoughts and kind offers on revision. While reading them over I remembered I had JUST had a consult with Holly Wren Spaulding about that exact thing. She actually told me exactly where to start—I had just freaked out and forgotten about it. Because I forget smart things when I'm freaked out. Anyway, now I have CHOICES. Thank you all!

Thrifting: While in Boulder I had my first post-COVID (yeah I know "post" is not the correct word) thrifting experience. With muh sis! I got some 20th-century Liberty for a quilt I'll start in the fall. It's so good.

Looking forward to: The Sunset Route, by Carrot Quinn, a memoir of riding the rails. Out in July! I can't wait.

Reading: My Favorite Thing is Monsters, by Emil Ferris. Oh you guys. I REALLY wanted to like this. It feels terrible to say I didn't. The art is gorgeous, of course it is, just gorgeous. You should totally read it for the art. But the story felt ... gosh it just felt so fake to me. What can I say; I'm a garbage person, I'm just like a terrible person. A terrible person who should probably spend a little time thinking about the notion of fakeness.

I also read Mean by Myriam Gurba, which I LOVED and recommend to you with this warning: It is in part about sexual violence. It treats the topic in a completely personal way that nevertheless did not traumatize me, and I love Mean for that. But I also love it because it's inventive and hilarious and it's kinda mean and it is in no way predictable or conventional.

(You may remember Myriam Gurba as the woman who kicked off the resistance to the anointing of the novel American Dirt last year ish one million years ago. I got to see her in a little Zoom book club soon after that and WOW she was inspiring. This link is a good read about race in big publishing, among other things.)

Making: Astrid proceeds. Those increase ripples are gonna block right out, right?