I was chatting this week with a Body of Knowledge member about health concerns, dietary restrictions, and what gets triggered (or "stimulated," if you don't like the word "trigger") at the unfairness of it all. 

A big part of the Body of Knowledge method for ending binge eating is the idea that restraint works better than restriction. Related ideas:

• Forbidden fruit is pretty irresistible, and resistance is a weak strategy

• Dieting is known to science to cause weight gain in 98% of cases

• You're a sovereign adult; making your own choices and accepting the consequences is a satisfying and dignified way to live

However! Some people have serious legit health issues that translate to firm dietary restrictions. This can cause feelings. Here are some feelings and things my client and I uncovered together, in short form:

Her:  When I think of my food limitations as not being allowed to eat [this stuff] the "little me" complains: "l feel deprived" and "poor me" and "not fair!" and "whine."

Me:  Things actually are too hard for Little Me. She's really not a capable adult. When she's freaking out, the only thing to do is call in Big Me to handle it. Making food choices is a job for Big Me.

Her:  What I need to do is make this my two-part go-to habit:

First, take care of her, giving her the attention, care, love and assurance she needs.
Second: make the grown-up decisions myself. 

That's instead of my life-long habit of letting her decide that it's okay to skip this exercise or eat this poor food choice, and acting on her decision. 

Her: I've been doing is what some parents (and dog owners) do all the time: hand decision power to their child (or dog). Doing that makes the victim (child or dog) constantly nervous, anxious and stressed. Deep inside, the victims know that they're their own boss, and that they can't handle the responsibility of being the boss.

They know that they cannot do what they must do; they have no reliable caregiver; they're on their own, they will fail, they are doomed. 

Me:  AARGH! When you put it that way, it's so chilling.

The only kind choice is to step up as an adult, remember that life is unfair for everyone (and some of that unfairness surely works in our favor, too), and make the decisions that take care of your health now, because that's your best chance of choosing health the next time, and the next time, and the time after that.

Obviously, we all have a Little Me. If you want to tell me how and where she shows up in your life, just hit Reply. I would love to hear...
 

2020

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