Hi friends! As promised, answers to your questions. I want to start with a very foundational one asked by a reader; let's call her Nora. Nora says:

Q: So I've been following your method and it's not working. Every night, I've been deciding on the next day's meals, and then when it's time I don't want to eat what I picked out. So when there are donuts at work I eat them mid-morning even though I've had a perfectly good breakfast.

And I realize I don't want a 200-calorie noodle-soup dinner, which seemed reasonable the night before, but actually it's not. I wind up bingeing instead on cookies and then once I've eaten like 10 cookies I'll decide to have ice cream. And then maybe some hot chocolate. Then I'm furious at myself and I make a plan for the next day and ... well, the next day is a lot like the day before, and this has been going on for months. And I've gained a lot of weight.

A: I remember one of the things that drove me out of OA was the idea of strictly planning meals so far in advance. Some people need that, I guess. Most people need more freedom.

In fact, any human who eats needs both freedom and also some structure. Structure is not just for disordered eaters, but is important for everyone living in a world where the main food problem is one of too much, rather than too little.

So one really good way for overeaters and binge eaters to get both freedom and structure is to

1. pick a meal pattern that they can stick to in most circumstances and
2. choose food for each meal in the moment, at mealtime
☝
This is my actual method.

In other words, make the choice about WHEN you're going to eat one time only, and make the choice about WHAT to eat when it's time to eat, at each meal.

Any meal pattern will work. Obviously, people vary. Some people travel. Some people work the night shift. Some people have infants. Make a choice that works for you. The point is to have gaps between meals in which you eat nothing. (This is a pretty painless way to eat less overall, which is still the only thing science is sure causes weight loss.)

And to make breaking a habit of bingey compulsive overeating very, very simple, you only really have one important question to answer: Is it mealtime?

If yes, eat a meal's worth of anything. Enough to get you to the next meal, ideally. The answer to the question of what, precisely, to eat is of far less importance to the process of ending disordered eating.

If it's not mealtime, remind yourself when you'll eat next. If you're having a craving, address that craving at your next meal. Even if Guru X says that's a toxic food for your blood type or whatever and will cause weight gain. Considerations like these are only of importance to someone selling a diet. They are of little importance to you, especially right now.

This is the fastest way I know of to break the pattern of overeating, grazing all day, of never eating on an empty stomach.

Having meals is what creates a clear boundary between "$%&# it" and self-respect. It's the difference between Homer on the couch with a bucket of donuts, wearing a muumuu and deciding never to leave the house again, and you, demolishing your unhelpful habit circuits with your dignity intact.

Eating regular meals of your own choosing is also the fastest way I know of to break the habit of urgent bingeing. The next meal is always going to be soon. You are 100% free to choose what that meal will consist of. Are there donuts at work that will be gone by lunchtime? No problem; grab one (or two; I sure did when I started eating meals) and put it aside for later.

With meals, you have multiple opportunities every day to experiment with what and how much to eat. Did you have salad, and you really wanted ice cream? Have ice cream next time. Did you have ice cream, and your body wanted eggs? Have both next time!

When you start trusting that you're able to make good choices, you'll make more good choices. When you start trusting that you're even free to make bad choices, yes, you'll make even more good choices.