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What I had for lunch

  • 😳 SO EMBARRASSING.

    Oops I did it again.

    Yep, I bought another "cleanse" book. So embarrassing!


    It's like Anne Lamott with her bathroom scales. Buying one, stepping on it, hating it for telling her how to feel, calling it names, taking it down to the Goodwill and saying, Hey guys. Got another scale for ya. 

    I haven't done this in a long time. I was in Oakland, the weather was glorious, especially for late January. I was working outside (!!!) and I started to believe in spring again.

    Suddenly I was in the mood for lighter food! In my moment of restored optimism and faith that I would soon want to eat something other than beef with pork, I bought this book about juice and salad and "cleansing."

    Am I going to get a juicer? I am not. Am I going to cook out of this book? Maybe a salad. Am I going on a cleanse? HELL NO, if past performance and my contempt of diets are any indication.

    But I lost my mind and bought this near-useless book. Ugh, what is my lesson?!

    Just this: Buying another cleanse book and giving it to Goodwill is not a big deal. It is a slip, yes. A bit of backsliding and a waste of $20. I listened to a thought that I've been able to ignore in the past (ooooh, buy me!) and this time didn't ignore it.

    Which matters nothing. I am not preserving a shining record. I do not care about being perfect not because it's impossible, but because being perfect is IRRELEVANT to the project of doing my best to keep important commitments. Like eating well and generously, and not going on stupid "cleanses," which, sidebar, the body doesn't actually require.

    So it is, exactly, with that donut you had or that argument you had or that other little indulgence. All-or-nothing is a setup for unnecessary surrender."Perfection" is just a tool your bad habits use to get you to give up and live life their terrible way.

    "Perfection" the idea is just poison. Throw it in the bin marked "irrelevant thoughts I can safely ignore forever" and carry on.

  • Something I ate last week: Stilton Stilton Stilton!

    "Cheese goes very well with wine. It's what they do in France." -- Mary Berry said that. She was actually talking about red wine, not cheap Cava, but I'm no more French than Mary Berry, so that's all right.

    Here's something I eat every day: A snack. I would be very sad without my snack.

    It is almost always some fancy crackers, and a very strong cheese like Stilton.

    And this would spoil my supper, except I only have one slice of cheese and two (2) crackers. And I think you can see here that my wineglass is basically a thimble. (On weekends I have more.)

    I tell you this so you know: I drink. I snack. And I would sell my soul for cheese. It's only a little bit. And it's very, very satisfying.

  • Something I ate last week: Stilton Stilton Stilton!

    "Cheese goes very well with wine. It's what they do in France." -- Mary Berry said that. She was actually talking about red wine, not cheap Cava, but I'm no more French than Mary Berry, so that's all right.

    Here's something I eat every day: A snack. I would be very sad without my snack.

    It is almost always some fancy crackers, and a very strong cheese like Stilton.

    And this would spoil my supper, except I only have one slice of cheese and two (2) crackers. And I think you can see here that my wineglass is basically a thimble. (On weekends I have more.)

    I tell you this so you know: I drink. I snack. And I would sell my soul for cheese. It's only a little bit. And it's very, very satisfying.

  • Something I ate last week: Rasika's Date Toffee Pudding

    What I had for lunch.

    "Of course you can have just one!" -- Nine out of 10 advertising copywriters (privately)

    Here's something I made and ate this week for my cookbook club: Date and Toffee Pudding from the Rasika cookbook. Aka sticky toffee pudding, it is one of my favorites and guess what? NOT A HEALTH FOOD. 

    The directions read "Trim the mounded pudding tops; reserve the trimmings for a snack." Good idea, Mr Sunderam! I will do that.

    And I tell you this in case you feel that certain foods are "triggers" and you must avoid them forever and ever, The End. If ever there was such a trigger for me, it would be sticky toffee pudding. But I can eat one now and be done. And not have another for a long, long time.

    And that was not always true. 


    We all have foods that aren't worth messing with, I'll give you that. But you might find more freedom in letting yourself make that choice never to have something - while knowing that it is a choice.

  • Something I ate last week: Supermoon Bakehouse

    What I Had for Lunch 

    "80% of primate neurology is devoted to checking out what the rest of the community had for lunch. It's how we're wired." --Dian Fossey I'm guessing

    You know how when social media was new, people used to say "I don't wanna know what you had for lunch"? I could never understand that. What are you, not a primate? I always want to know what you had for lunch. 

    ​On that note, here's something I ate last week, at Supermoon Bakehouse on the Lower East Side:

    And I tell you this so you know that

    1. I'm not some perfect clean-eating diet guru ladyperson (I hate the idea of "clean" eating; it's basically diet culture) and

    2. there is delight and deliciousness on the other side of an eating disorder and

    3. you can eat this shit without being overweight and

    4. you can eat this kind of thing for breakfast (or two of these things, which is what Iactually did) and still have salad for lunch because you feel like salad, not because it's payback time.

Stop bingeing and overeating. Immediately.

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