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  • Of course I want to be happy! But first I need to lose some weight.

    (Just FYI: If you're on my newsletter list (and if you're not, you should be, because it's awesome), you'll have read the piece below already. The newsletters are chockablock with good tools and actionable knowledge, so I've started adding some here.)

    The other day a client and I were doing the exercise "What are you waiting for?" This is a list I have my people make, and it contains all the things they're postponing "until after they're thin."

    (You can do this if you're at your ideal weight, too. Just substitute whatever milestone you feel is just this side of happiness: a certain job title, a particular bank balance, last child leaves for college - or kindergarten.)

    Often, the things on our list make no sense to postpone. For instance, anyone can wear perfume at any size. (Professional wrestlers, you already know this.) But unconsciously, we tell ourselves things like, "Oh, I don't want to call attention to myself with perfume … at this weight."

    Or, heartbreakingly, "I don't want people to think that I think I'm sexy." (And risk having them tell me I'm not.) 

    Or, worse, "I don't want people to think I want to besexy." (And risk having them laugh and tell me there's no earthly way.) 

    Or, what it so often really boils down to is lies like these: I'm fat, thus I don't deserve pleasure. I'm fat, and that's why I can't have what I want. I'm fat, so I haven't earned my perfume.

    Waiting for what you want until you "deserve" it is a perfect prescription for unhappiness, isn't it? We can argue our case for "deserving" with our internal judge, but we'll tire long before he ever does. 

    Better plan: Just go straight at it, signing our own permission slip, which is what I encourage my clients to do. 

    Whatever's on their list, I offer my strongest encouragement to do those things NOW. Like, go to the beach in a bikini. Figure out what it takes to get up Kilimanjaro, and find out who wants to come along. Tell the truth to their husband. Whatever it is, doing these things now - and this is the whole point - transforms us into what we think we'll be when we're thin.

    There is no need to postpone happiness. Ever. It's a scam.

    Furthermore, I hope you will not believe me when I say that transforming ourselves into the person who climbs Kilimanjaro wearing her sultriest perfume before losing the w eight magically causes the we ight to come off. I don't want you to believe me; I wish for you to go and collect your own evidence.

    Try this

    Make the list, just for yourself. No one has to see it. Pick one thing you 1. can do now and 2. really like the sound of. Do it now, see how it feels, and if it feels good, repeat liberally.

    If your item involves a bikini, you might want to listen to my interview with Susan Hyatt for added encouragement. And fun.

    Next week, we'll look at stuff on that list that, actually, you don't like the sound of. Gee, how'd it get on there? We're gonna talk about that. 

    You might also enjoy

    Going straight at it

    Interview with Susan Hyatt: Love your booty, love yourself.

    Wayfinding Week 62: I want everything to be beautiful 

Body Mind Book Club with Max & Cookie

shaman sessions

MBI Books & Resources

Into the Closet class